Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
