Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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