I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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