don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
