you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Small penises have feelings too.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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