I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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