wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
