Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
