Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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