I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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