im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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