Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
