Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
