those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
