I got chris browned last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
