i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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