Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
