these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
