She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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