In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
