I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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