Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
