yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
