White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
