I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had sex on a dog bed..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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