No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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