Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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