honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
