I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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