So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
