Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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