Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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