WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
