I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
