Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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