Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
