My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
