When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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