When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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