I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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