what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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