absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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