I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
