so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
