it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
