Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
