You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to calm my uterus...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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