My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pop tarts are not kleenex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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