U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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