i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
