I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
