Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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